Puns!

[Rokia]

Originally posted by SkyhappySal on the old vbulletin bb.

Beware, there a few real groaners here.

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest.

#1 -- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"

#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal was to transcend dental medication.

#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

#8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought they
would put him out of business. He begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving
that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

#9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . (Oh, man, this is
so bad, it's good).....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

#10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[aussiehbfan]

Love them! Hilarious! needed a good laugh

[Rokia]

Not saving much from the old board but some things were worth sharing again...

[JD]

I especially liked the one about Juan and Ahmal.

[mamabear]

Here's one:
How do little Japanese dogs say hello?
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Konichihuahua.

[Shane]

Aug 6, 2020 2:39:02 GMT mamabear said:

Here's one:
How do little Japanese dogs say hello?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Konichihuahua.

Ouch! 

[JD]

I echo the 'ouch'!  

[Scott]

Here is a "joke" from "Our American Cousin" (1858), perhaps one of the last jokes Abraham Lincoln heard:

When is a dog's tail like a cart?


When it's a-waggin'.

[mamabear]

Aug 11, 2020 3:26:43 GMT Scott said:

Here is a "joke" from "Our American Cousin" (1858), perhaps one of the last jokes Abraham Lincoln heard:

When is a dog's tail like a cart?


When it's a-waggin'.

Hah! 😆