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Post by Shane on Jun 9, 2017 19:27:08 GMT
Saw this one on Facebook.
Cop: "Turn around."
Suspect: "Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely and you're never comin' round."
Cop: "TURN AROUND!"
Suspect: "Every now..." *Gets tasered*
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Post by JD on Jun 10, 2017 4:09:08 GMT
Oh dear, ROFL! Can't you just hear it in your head, too?
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Post by josie on Jun 10, 2017 16:31:59 GMT
... I'm a little worried about how I immediately started singing it rather than reading it. From the first word. Without even noticing it was the joke thread, because I look at the page with all the new posts mixed up. It is a good one though  |
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Post by Rokia on Jun 17, 2017 1:38:53 GMT
Me too Josie... And hahahahaha... Good one, Shane.
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Post by Shane on Sept 27, 2017 19:05:55 GMT
During the First World War, an Irish sniper named Murphy was serving in the British army. He was one of the deadliest snipers in his regiment, thanks to a simple system.
Murphy had come to realize that a large number of German soldiers were known as Hans. So he would train his rifle on the German trenches and call out, "Are you there, Hans?" Often, a soldier would get careless and raise his head in response, upon which Murphy would fire.
This went on for a while, and finally a German sniper named Hans decided that this Irishman had to go. Knowing that Murphy was a common Irish name, he decided to roll the dice. He trained his rifle on the British trench and called out, "Are you there, Murphy?"
Murphy, who was also in position, didn't budge and called out, "Yes. Is that you, Hans?"
Hans said, "Yes," and absent-mindedly started to raise his head...
I guess you could say Murphy won Hans down. Or - Murphy:"One Hans down."
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Post by JD on Sept 28, 2017 0:49:40 GMT
LOL! Okay, that was witty!
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Post by Shane on Oct 1, 2017 19:50:47 GMT
How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go, “Yee-hah!” and throw his hat in the air.
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Post by JD on Oct 2, 2017 0:05:05 GMT
You're on a roll, Shane! |
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Post by Stormwatcher on Oct 2, 2017 1:51:36 GMT
..Oh boy, flashbacks of the How Many Hardys Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? thread sooooo long ago...
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Post by Rokia on Oct 2, 2017 3:58:59 GMT
HAHAHAHAHAHA sooo good!  |
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Post by JD on Oct 2, 2017 16:26:08 GMT
..Oh boy, flashbacks of the How Many Hardys Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? thread sooooo long ago... My mind doesn't remember that one, Stormie. Revive it! |
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Post by Rokia on Oct 3, 2017 2:39:34 GMT
... I'm a little worried about how I immediately started singing it rather than reading it. From the first word. Without even noticing it was the joke thread, because I look at the page with all the new posts mixed up. It is a good one though I did too, lol. |
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Post by Stormwatcher on Oct 3, 2017 4:21:37 GMT
How many Hardys does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. Frank to get the new bulb, stand on the chair, take out the old bulb and put in the new one; Joe to stand guard; Fenton to run the bulb through analysis to check for foul play. Add Hardys and pals as your scenario dictates. My scenario had Laura changing it because the boys and Fenton were off in parts distant, and Gertrude had some words to say about those menfolk never being around when you needed them. |
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Post by Shane on Oct 3, 2017 6:59:10 GMT
In a case like that, Gertrude needs a taste of her own mEdison.
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Post by Rokia on Oct 3, 2017 23:47:51 GMT
::thwaps Shane:: I figured it took 5 Hardys to change the bulb. Frank to actually change the bulb, Joe to stand guard, Fenton to run analysis on the old lightbulb for sings of foul play, Laura to give out cookies to the boys for their hard work and Gertrude to critique everyone on the job they did and how she could have done it better. |
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Post by Stormwatcher on Oct 4, 2017 5:01:05 GMT
Sounds about right, Rokia! I wish I could remember who it was who had the boys start to change it but get kidnapped in the dark...Phoenix, maybe... Shane, don't you mean GErtrude? |
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Post by Shane on Oct 4, 2017 10:35:09 GMT
Shane, don't you mean GErtrude? Good one, Stormwatcher. That's exactly watt I meant. |
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Post by Rokia on Oct 4, 2017 20:12:53 GMT
::thwaps Shane - again::
I think it was either Phoenix or Alaina... I would ask Alaina but I suspect she's in the middle of insurance claim hell (THREE hurricanes! OYE!)
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Post by Scott on Oct 24, 2017 23:32:36 GMT
Okay. So a dog walks into a bar. He jumps up on the barstool and orders a drink. And he's sitting there drinking his drink when two drunks start fighting. One of them pulls a gun and fires a shot, and the dog is struck in the foot by a stray bullet and goes running out on three legs.
The next day, the dog comes back, his foot wrapped in a bandage. He wears a little cowboy hat and a gunbelt and a little vest. He walks into the bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw."
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Post by JD on Oct 25, 2017 19:37:14 GMT
*Snickers* Okay, that was funny!
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Post by Shane on Oct 25, 2017 19:55:36 GMT
Sounds like he had a bone to pick with them.
One of my favourite bar jokes was a Far Side cartoon. It depicted an elephant sitting at the bar, and the caption was something like, "It's no use. I drink and drink, but I just can't forget."
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Post by Scott on Oct 26, 2017 15:15:21 GMT
Okay, tweeted this morning by J ELvis Weinstein (the original Tom Servo):
The only time you should believe someone that says: "I am a very intelligent person" is if they are one year old.
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Post by Rokia on Oct 31, 2017 3:49:47 GMT
LOL Good ones guys! |
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Post by Scott on Nov 18, 2017 21:49:29 GMT
I read this on Twitter, but the person who tweeted it had some weird name that wasn't actually a name, so I don't know who it was.
"I'd love to get in touch with Emilio Esteves. Does anyone have his emailio addressteves?"
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Post by Shane on Nov 19, 2017 10:35:32 GMT
Ouch! |
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